A belated thank you!

My mother was diagnosed with a hideous disease and died a prolonged and torturous death. At every twist and turn the disease cruelly snatched away from her aspects of life that she treasured most. In return the disease gave back to her, in abundance, pain, fear and a great deal of indignity.

The only thing that relieved her suffering was death. In those moments after she had taken her last breath, the deep furrows embedded in her beautiful face, that had been caused by her incessant pain, faded. She was finally at peace.

As the funeral directors arrived to take her from Palliative Care, an image arose in my mind that triggered an almost forgotten memory from my days as a nurse. The care we provided to our patients did not abruptly end when they died. One of our duties was to “lay them out” before they were transferred to the hospital morgue.

This was an intimate task that involved restoring as much dignity as possible to the individual that lay before us. It was a huge privilege and a humbling experience to fulfil this role. We viewed the person that lay before us with utmost respect and would gently carry out our duties whilst quietly talking to them as though they were sleeping peacefully.

I performed this duty many times and though often greatly saddened by my patient’s death, felt honoured to be able to provide this last act of care. However, with each death I would feel what I can only describe as a visceral blow as we completed our final duty for that patient. The patient would be enveloped in a ‘bag’, which we would then close. It was at this stage, the unique features of the individual that had laid before me, disappeared. This was the stage that somebody became ‘some’ body.

I did not want to see my mother’s beautiful face covered nor witness her transition from being my mother to ‘some’ body and asked the attendants to refrain from entirely covering her. They sought permission to do so and I will never forget the sight of mum being wheeled away looking as though she was peacefully sleeping, with a beautiful rose they had selected from her bedside table, strewn across her chest.

On one of the saddest nights of my life, this little gesture was so greatly appreciated and will never be forgotten.

Thank you.