My daughter Nicole was diagnosed with Synovial Sarcoma in her kidney in Oct 2018, after several months of internal bleeds from her kidney.

We were told from the start that it was incurable and very aggressive, but no one anticipated it to be as bad as it was. Nicole’s reaction to her chemo treatment was extreme and they had to modify the regimen several times. After every round of chemo, she would have admissions at Royal Melbourne Hospital for complications. It seemed as though her cancer had a personal vendetta against her. Several times I almost lost her, it was unthinkable what she went through. As her mother it was torture. I cannot begin to imagine what it was like for her. She didn’t say much but I could see her fading away in front of us all.

At the end of each round her tumours would have shrunk and we would get some positive signs, but a month or two later they would be back, each time bigger than the last.

It became apparent that Nicole’s time would be short, as her treatment was not having lasting results. After consulting with her Oncologist, Susie, there were not a lot of options although Susie was willing to try anything. Nicole had had enough and she opted for VAD, which she only knew about after sharing a room with an older man who was going home to “drink his juice”. She had already made up her mind so we started the process.

She had a few good months where she felt normal, however thanks to Covid and lock downs she was unable to tick off too many of her bucket list items. We all did our best to help her achieve what we could.

In September 2019 Nicole was nearing the end and started saying her goodbyes, she had her special potion for when she was ready, however things went downhill quickly and she could no longer drink more than a sip. Therefore her special potion was now useless. She was distraught because the only thing she had left of herself ( in her mind) was choices. She wanted to die under her own terms. So I contacted our person at VAD, and she talked me through what we needed to do and put me on to the most amazing man I have ever met who came out to see us that same afternoon, after working a full shift at the hospital, way over the opposite side of Melbourne. He was our guardian angel. I think Nicole and I both fell in love with Cam that first meeting.

You see we had to re-apply for the licence to use VAD because she needed medical assisted now not self-administer. It took almost 2 weeks to get the authority but when it came through, Nicole was so over-joyed, and suddenly full of life. 

He came that very evening, again after working all day and made my daughters suffering end. I’m sure she only lasted those last two weeks because she was so stubborn and was going to do it her way, no matter what.

It is not right that a dying patient that has already been approved for VAD then has to re-apply because their condition has changed. Her last 2 weeks of life were filled with stress because she thought she was losing her her right to choose her fate. Where she should have been able to cherish the time with her loved ones, there was this dread inside her that the cancer would win and take her choice away from her. That was so very important to her, that she beat cancer to the finish line. That’s my girl, always had to have the last say.

She died peacefully, November 10 2019, surrounded by her beloved family and our hero Cam. My daughter was 33 years old.